And now, a tale well calculated to keep you in...
Suspense.
In a moment, act one of that real crazy infinity, starring Jack Grimes and Richard Holland,
and written especially for suspense by Dick W. Dowling.
Like, what do we do now, man?
Oh, I don't know. I'm gonna dig up some loot somewhere.
They still got our horns.
Yeah, but do we blow them or hawk them?
We're gonna find a hawk shop in this town.
Oh, man, this is a real drag.
Yeah. All I want now is to get back to New York.
What we need is one fast gig that pays enough bread for traveling expenses.
Why don't we check with that tomato behind the counter and see what the scoop is around here?
Crazy.
Hey, baby.
Yeah, what'll it be, gent?
Two more coffees, please.
You got them.
Hey, honey, what's the best way to pick up a fast buck in town here?
Make a fast grab.
This kid is not a Lenny Bruce.
Oh, just a touch of humor, boys.
Say, what kind of work can you do?
Well, we're musicians. We like to earn bus fare back to New York.
Well, ain't much call from musicians around here, except maybe for church socials now and then.
Wow.
Any other kind of work?
Well, there's strawberry picking over at Tanner's Farm.
Yeah, no, no, no, thanks.
By the way, when is the next bus to New York, huh?
Oh, never. At least, why is not from here?
You got to go clear over to Centerville, about 60 miles.
Any chance of getting a lift with somebody?
Aint likely this time of night. Well, maybe in the...
Pardon me, Jenny. I couldn't help over here in these gents and their predicament.
Maybe I can help.
This here is Charlie Olden. Runs a radio shop in town here. Got TV, too.
Oh, that must be a gas.
Pleased to meet you, Charlie. I'm Bud. This is Lou.
Likewise. Hi.
Now, as I see it, you gents could use a couple of dollars and a place to sleep, right?
Right.
Well, I can supply you with both, if you'll do me a little favor in return.
Yeah, listen, Clyde, what's the little favor?
Some electronic equipment just came in from New York on special order,
and I got to deliver it to a place just out of town.
Now, if you boys...
Doggone it, Charlie. I knew you was leading up to that, and I won't let you do it.
Pay him no mind here, James.
No, you just mind your dishes, Jenny.
I will not. You got no right tricking these here, strangers.
I ain't tricking them. I'm willing to pay.
You mean you'll pay us to deliver this electronic equipment?
Yes. Ten bucks between you, and I'll drive you halfway.
Why halfway?
Aha. Now you're asking, stranger. Go on, tell them why, Charlie. I dare you.
Oh, hush up, Kenny. You're worse than my mother-in-law.
All right. What's the gimmick?
No gimmick at all, gents. Voices from the grave.
Like, what are you talking about, baby?
Voices from the grave. If you do like Charlie says, you'll walk in the land of the dead.
You know, this broad is starting to bug me.
Look, let's have a straight story here, huh?
All right, then don't listen to Jenny, nun. She's like everybody around here.
She's scared of nothing at all.
Seems like you're the one scared to deliver the stuff yourself.
Oh, I ain't no such thing. It's just that I...
Well, I just want to get home early tonight for a change.
Where do we deliver this equipment to?
Just outside of town. Norville Hagen's place.
Well, what's with this Hagen? Is he some kind of cook?
Oh, no, no, no. He's right friendly. He's just maybe, uh...
a little different.
About as different as Dracula.
Oh, now, Jenny, you know that's just a lot of silly talk.
You gents want to make that $10 or not?
Well, how about it, Lou?
Well, we need some bread, man, but, uh...
like, I don't dig the Dracula bit.
Look, Lou, suppose this guy Hagen is a flip.
There's gonna be three of us and only one of him, right?
Yeah, I suppose so.
Look, we got nothing to lose, and we need the bread.
Even if it's only ten beans, I say we do it. Are you with me?
All right, man, but the first time this gig starts to look flaky,
I am cooling it down.
Good man, Lou.
All right, Mr. Olin, you, uh, you got a deal.
Oh, fine, boys, fine. Let's get started. It's getting late.
Sure is an out-of-the-way place.
Yeah, old Norville likes his privacy.
He likes bumpy roads, too.
Oh, Norville don't care.
He never comes into town. He just sends down for food
and electronic supplies about once a month.
Oh, here we are.
Here we are? Where?
Like all I see is the side of a cliff.
There's a wooden stairway with a handrail.
Leads all the way up. Now, let's get the box out of the car.
It's kind of dark here, isn't it?
Uh-huh. Now, grab the other end of this box, Lou,
and walk straight ahead. You'll come to a stairway.
Man, what's in here, a rock?
Here's a stairway. Now, set it down.
All right, now what?
You fellas start up the stairs. I gotta get something from the car.
Okay, grab that end, Lou.
But how far up do we have to go, man?
We'll see.
Hey, what's he doing?
The money's in your coat pocket. So long, Jensen.
Good luck.
Hey, wait a minute. Hey, you...
Look, it happened again, man.
We were blowing a chorus with no lead.
Oh, we'll never find our way back down there.
Yeah. Now, there's only one place to go.
Grab the box, Lou, and let's start climbing.
More coffee, gentlemen?
No, thanks, Professor. Two's my limit.
And you, sir?
Everything is cool, man.
Oh, well, then I shall make some hot coffee for you.
No, no, man. I mean the co... Never mind.
Very well.
Well, I'd like to thank you again for bringing my electronic supplies,
and I hope you'll be my guests overnight.
Like, I don't know, man.
We'd appreciate it. We don't have a car.
Oh, I assume Mr. Olin drove you here?
Good old Charlie. Yeah.
Well, you don't know how happy I am to get this equipment.
I must replace some tubes in my Infiniphone.
It hasn't been working for several days,
and I've missed my classical concerts.
You dig classical music?
Oh, yes, yes. I love the old masters.
I think of them as dear friends.
I studied a little classical piano when I was a kid.
I don't remember much past the happy farmer, though.
Oh, yes.
Well, then I must repair the Infiniphone immediately
and let you both enjoy some of the great masterworks.
Oh, yeah, that'll be a gasser.
You have many records, Professor?
Oh, no. No, no, none at all.
With the Infiniphone, I don't need records.
I see. It's a radio.
No, not exactly. It's my own invention.
Let me explain it to you.
All the sound in our world gradually becomes inaudible
and trails off into infinity.
I've simply created a machine for tuning into infinity.
Uh-huh.
Yes. This way I can hear great masterworks in their original form,
exactly as they were played centuries ago.
Do you understand?
Man, I lost you back there when you were going to heat some more coffee.
I think I understand, Professor.
You just tune into infinity and pick up sounds of the past, right?
Yes, yes, that's it, exactly.
Well, that must be an interesting... your hobby?
Oh, it's more than that.
You see, the classics are my life.
As a child, I wanted to be a great musician,
but, well, I'm a scientist instead.
That's how the chorus goes.
Yes.
I confess I don't understand much about life in our modern society.
Out there in the world, I mean, I...
I never seemed to do or say the right things.
I was considered rather odd.
Well, the world out there is pretty simple, Professor.
It's just one big scramble for bread.
Bread?
Yeah, man, like, you know, loot, money.
Oh, yes, yes, I guess that is important.
Yeah, I guess it is, like I guess we have to breathe.
It's the most unpleasant part of life for me, or was.
I really don't care anymore.
I may soon become part of the great classical past I love so well.
What do you mean, Professor?
I mean, well, all in good time.
And now, would you like to see and hear the Infiniphone?
Oh, sure, sure, Professor.
Good. Well, follow me, gentlemen.
We're not going with him, are we?
That guy has flipped. He's flaky.
Let's go along with the gag.
Maybe we can hype him out of something that's worth selling.
Yeah, but what do we want to hype a poor old guy like that for?
We're broke is why.
Besides, if we play our...
He's coming, gentlemen.
Yes, sir. Yes, sir. We wouldn't miss this for the world.
By plugging the patch cord into the side panel terminal
and turning the selector dial,
we can choose any past century or era we wish.
Well, go ahead, gentlemen. Try it.
Oh, that's okay, man. I'm a believer.
He said try it. Now go ahead and try it.
Okay, okay.
I've said it for about 46 BC.
Now, tune it in.
What was that, man?
I'm afraid it's Julius Caesar again.
He's always making speeches.
You mean that was the actual voice of Julius Caesar?
Oh, yes, yes. I recognize him immediately.
Oh, yeah, all right. I'll bite. What's the gimmick?
But there is no gimmick.
That's how the Infiniphone works.
Well, it's really not so amazing, gentlemen,
why my new invention, the Infinitransitor, can actually...
Well, that can wait.
Perhaps if I tune in a later period on the Infiniphone.
Hey, man, this cat sounds familiar.
I should get something worthwhile.
Don't, don't, don't. That's Berrigan. I know that sound anywhere.
That's funny.
But I never heard this record before.
Oh, that's no record. That's Berrigan himself.
Oh, what a crazy chorus. He's blowing his heart out.
Prof, can we record this?
Uh, why, yes, but I don't see why you...
We gotta record it.
It's simple enough.
Press that button on the side of the panel.
Yeah, that's it.
It starts a tape recorder in the next room.
I'll make sure the machine starts.
Dad, what are you doing this for?
Don't you get it? This'll be the greatest discovery in the history of jazz.
We'll be able to name our price with any record company in the country.
And we'll never run out of materials. Low and rich.
Yeah, but what about the professor?
He'll never know the difference.
Yeah, but what if he thinks what we're doing will blow the whole bit, man?
That will cut him in.
The tape machine is working perfectly.
Crazy.
Now, I hope you gentlemen will excuse me.
I must get back to work on my infinite transit.
Hey, you sure? Sure, you go right ahead, professor.
Oh, stop worrying. This is it.
From here on in, we swing, man.
No more crummy club dates, no lousy one-nighters.
We're rich, man. We're rich.
Hey, look, watch the volume of that tape machine.
The needle's kicking way over.
Oh, man. Listen to that man, Lou.
Lou, will you pay attention?
No, Lou, professor.
Listen to that man.
Watch the needle on that machine, Lou.
Lou, will you take off those headphones and just watch the needle, huh?
Hmm? Oh, sorry, but I...
Oh, but, man, dig that phrase.
Oh, go, go, man. Go, go.
Oh, you're gonna go right out that window.
You loused up two recordings this week.
Come on, Lou, get with it.
Well, gentlemen, another pleasant dinner, eh?
Mm-hmm.
And now we pour the tea.
Lou? Oh, thank you.
And Bud?
As well, thanks.
And myself.
Thank you.
Now, my pipe.
Ah.
You know, gentlemen, it's been some time since I...
rarely enjoyed my pipe this way.
I must say it's been pleasant having you with me these past few weeks.
Oh, we're glad we came.
I'd almost forgotten it was what it was like to have people around.
You know, my neighbors aren't very...
neighborly.
Perhaps that's just as well.
They'd probably think me strange.
In any case, I won't be around much longer.
You don't mean you're leaving here, Professor?
Yes, I do, Bud.
Yeah, well, what about the Infiniphone?
I don't know.
I'll have no need for it, but I'm not sure I should leave it behind.
It might do more harm than good.
No, I haven't decided yet.
Ah, yeah, but, Professor, think of the pleasure you could give the world.
Well, if it can give the world as much pleasure as it seems to have given you and Lou,
I might be inclined to leave it here.
Lou especially seems entranced by the music he's been listening to and recording.
Hey, Lou?
Hello, you listening?
Oh, yes, sure.
You seem to have found something you like.
Something I like?
Man, I'm stoned.
I never heard such wailing in my life.
Bunny and the bird, prayers and the rest.
You know, I would give up the best gig in the world just to sit in with those cats.
For kicks.
No bread, man, just kicks.
Yeah, and that, Professor, is why I'm the one who has to worry about the bread.
My boy Lou here is just living for kicks.
You're not a dreamer, Bud, and Lou is.
Well, dreamers aren't doers, and doers are the cats who get things done.
Yes, of course, but every now and then one of us dreamers gets things done, too.
Well, if you'll excuse me, gentlemen, I'll get back to my work inside.
Uh-huh.
You hear what he said?
Yeah, he's leaving.
Well, you know what happens if he does.
We're out of business, especially if he takes the Infiniphone with him.
And we'd better get a lot of taping done and soon.
Yeah.
You know what?
There's something way out about the way he talks about leaving.
What do you mean?
I don't know.
It's like he's happy.
Like the way Prez used to look when he was blowing a great chorus, you know?
Yeah, yeah, well, tomorrow I'm blowing a great chorus right out of here,
and you're going to stay and make tapes all day.
Where are you going?
I'm going in and see Max Wesson at Flip Records,
and I'm taking a small sample of our music with me.
To what for?
Well, I'm going to offer him exclusive rights to a recently discovered collection of recordings
by the late and legendary figures of jazz, a collection that's out of this world.
Well, Max?
It's out of this world.
It's out of this world.
All right.
What's the gimmick?
Well, there's no gimmick, Max.
It's legit.
This is for real.
This music, that's the McCoy.
I know that.
But how did you get it?
All right, I'll admit it.
It was dumb luck.
I found the recordings in some tank town and bought them for peanuts.
That figures, I guess.
All right, what's the deal?
25,000 plus 25% of gross sales and a spot on your A&R staff for me and my partner.
That is highway robbery.
Is it a deal?
Well, okay.
But you got to bring me enough of this stuff to make it worth my while.
Don't worry, Max.
My partner's taking care of that right now.
Lou, we're in.
It's all set.
Okay, Lou.
Put down your axe for a minute, will you?
I want to talk.
Lou, do you hear me?
What's wrong with you?
Man, I just made it.
I almost goofed, but I just made it.
Just made what?
What are you talking about?
Well, you know, I almost started looking forward to recording that stuff and selling it.
What do you mean, almost?
It's all set.
We're rich.
We've got steady jobs besides...
Without me, man, without me.
What are you nuts?
What's wrong?
I was listening to some jazz on the Infiniphone.
This cat, he's blown his heart out, see?
And I think, well, there's no kicks in selling somebody else's jazz.
I want something of my own.
You'll have something of your own, a big fat bank account.
Anybody can have that.
But not everybody can blow a chorus with prez or bunny.
Hey, Lou.
Hello, baby.
What are you, a chew stuff or something?
Hey, Clyde, where's the tape you made today, huh?
Uh, I'm not sure I made one.
You what?
I started the tape and then I heard those cats swinging and I...
Well, I picked up my horn and joined in.
I guess the tape is still running.
Oh, no, no, no.
You, you, you, you, you gotta be kidding me.
Pardon me, gentlemen.
I have come to say goodbye.
Goodbye?
Yes, Lou.
Everything is ready now.
Well, where are you going, Professor?
To become part of the great classical past I love so well.
I, uh, I don't dick you, sir.
I've completed my infinite transitor.
In a few minutes I shall be transported back into the past.
Are you kidding?
I, I think not, bud.
I hope not.
I'm counting on it, so...
Oh, boy.
Well, gentlemen, goodbye.
And thank you once again for your kindness.
I, I shall never forget you.
Professor Hagan, uh...
Yes, Lou.
Um, just, uh, how far back do you expect to go?
Lou, are you nuts?
Well, as far back as I wish, I suppose.
Why?
Well, I, uh, what I mean is, uh, could you drop me off in the thirties?
Has everybody flipped around here?
Well, we could certainly try, Lou.
Crazy!
Wait till I pack my act.
Lou, this is ridiculous.
Maybe, ma'am, but I gotta find out.
Oh, bud, this is so long.
I'm gonna kinda miss you.
We've been pals a long time, and you've always been on the level with me, and, uh, well, so long.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, Lou.
Well, I'll see you in ten minutes when you come back, huh?
Goodbye, bud, and good luck.
Yeah, yeah, sure, sure.
Later, man, later.
Bud, uh, I hope you find something you really dig, and, uh, when you do, man, uh, well,
I'll let it cool.
So long, pal.
Oy, doesn't this mean everything?
The two, the two of them have flipped!
I don't know who's none of you, the professor or Lou?
Oh, man, I hope he got something on that tape.
Give him a few minutes out there, and then I'll...
Well, the papers gave it quite a play.
They said mad professor and musician die in explosion.
I woke up here in the hospital.
There was nothing left of the professor's place.
Not a trace of the professor or Lou.
It's a funny thing, though, Lou did make that tape before he, uh, before he left.
He taped his own solos.
And here's the guess.
All the jazz critics claim it's the greatest stuff they ever heard.
Yeah, I'm gonna make a bundle of lute on Lou's recordings.
Somehow I just don't care.
It doesn't seem important.
All I can think about is poor old Lou.
Well, I hope he's having a ball out there in that real crazy infinity.
Suspense.
You've been listening to That Real Crazy Infinity, starring Jack Grimes and Richard Holland,
and written especially for suspense by Dick W. Dowling.
Suspense is produced and directed by Bruno Zarratto Jr., music supervision by Ethel Huber,
sound patterns by Joseph Camibo.
Heard in tonight's story were Cork Benson as Professor Norval Hagen,
Bob Dryden as Charlie Olin, Athena Lord as Jenny, Robert Reddick as Max Wesson,
and Guy Rep as the voice of Julius Caesar.
This is Stuart Metz speaking.
Listen again next week when we return with Stand In For Murder, written by Gladys F. Gallant.
Another tale well calculated to keep you in...
Suspense.
Music.