Suspense. And the producer of CBS Radio's outstanding theater of thrills, the master
of mystery and adventure, William N. Robeson.
They call themselves the Beat Generation, by which they do not mean defeated. They mean
beatific, which is to say blissful. They're cool, man. They're way out there. They dig
jazz which has no melody and poetry which makes no sense, at least to the rest of us
squares. They're kids seeking an answer. And to the Beat Generation, the answer seems to
be found in inaction, in non-feeling. They couldn't care less. But face a beat cat with
reality, face him with murder, and what happened? Listen, listen then, as Dennis Day stars in
Like Man, Somebody Dig Me, which follows in just a moment.
Like Man, Somebody Dig Me, starring Mr. Dennis Day. A tale well calculated to keep you in
suspense.
Man, like crazy.
Man, I dig everything. I dig Zen and underarm deodorants. I dig Elvis Presley and Sputniks.
I even dig people that drive right on by when I'm hitchhiking. People call me the tennis
shoe because I wear them and because I'm always on the move, but mostly because I'm cool,
man. I could stand out here in the middle of this desert all day. And you know something?
It wouldn't bother me.
You want to live?
Hey, I'm with you, chick.
How far you going?
I just stick with Route 66, man, on to the ocean.
We're on our way to Las Vegas.
You going to California?
Like I wrote a poem, man. I want to read it to the Pacific Ocean.
The Pacific Ocean?
Well, I already read it to the Atlantic.
Well, if you read it to the Atlantic, why bother to read it to the Pacific?
Man, have you ever read a poem to the Atlantic in January?
Well no, I, uh...
Man.
We almost didn't stop for you.
You know, most people won't take a chance on hitchhikers these days.
Yeah, you're lucky we picked you up.
And look, man, I don't know what you want, but I ain't got it. I got no rose to pin on
you, no medals. Dig? I just stand by the road with my thumb up. If you want to pick me up,
cool. If you want to drive on by, too cool. If you want to stop the car and let me out,
that's okay with me. Because man, I'm cool. I just don't care. You're the driver and I'm
just along for the ride. You dig?
I'm just making conversation.
Uh-huh. If you're going to Vegas, man, you'll have to turn off at Kingman. I don't dig Vegas.
Vegas is the squares.
Hmm. Right now I'm going to get some shut-eye.
Oh, up hard, man.
The cops ran me out of town last night for building a fire to keep warm.
Well, I'm tired, man.
You mean just for building a fire?
Like how was I to know all that wood was somebody's house?
I pulled down the lids of my eyes and naked like I was asleep. But it was all I could do
to keep a butt that ought to laugh and it was kicks, man. These squares were real kicks.
Walter, turn on the radio.
Okay.
Walter, I don't like that man.
Oh, Mary, don't be...
Shhh. Your voice. You're going to wake him up?
I think he's crazy and I think he's dangerous.
Honey, he's perfectly harmless. I see his type on the road a lot lately. Kind of a fad.
They call themselves the Beat Generation. They pretend that nothing matters to them anymore.
They just thrift. He's harmless.
Was this the same I wish we had with the...
Stop, Matinee Melodies, to bring you another bulletin on the killer who's been terrorizing
Southern Nevada.
Rather listening.
The Hadget Maniac's fourth victim was just found brutally murdered in the small Nevada
town of Searchlight, not far from the Arizona border. Only one eyewitness has seen the killer.
She describes him as being medium height, dark coloring, wearing a red nylon jacket and tennis shoes.
Walter, he...
Use your head now.
You're an Arizona.
But the description says he could be carrying anything in that bag of meat.
You want to look in a bag like?
I thought you were asleep.
Don't jump. Stay cool. I'll put it in the front seat and you can look see.
Man, it don't even zip it shut. So what do you dig inside? A bottle of wine from the supermarket,
typewritten copies of my poems, a clean shirt with a dirty collar. Man, I travel so light
I don't even dig toothbrushes. So what am I going to do with a hatchet?
Man, there's one thing about squares. They never ever learn.
This is Kayman, buddy. Where do you want to get out?
Anywhere.
We've got to get some gas, too.
Oh, that's strange. The streets are almost deserted.
With that maniac running loose, everybody's probably locked up indoors.
Walter, shouldn't we have turned off by now? We're just about out of town.
Yeah.
Wait a minute. Here's a place. See? Pop, food and gas. Look, why don't we pull in here
and ask and get some gas at the same time?
I don't see anybody.
Look, maybe they're closed.
Lights are still on. I'll go inside.
Just leave me, Walter.
There's nothing to be afraid of.
Well, I'm certain you're not going to stay out here alone.
Why, thanks, Jake.
Walter!
Like, who was I to stay in the car when the party's inside?
Just as we go through the front door, some cat hustles in from the kitchen,
wiping his hands on his apron.
Oh, there you are. I didn't hear you drive up.
Oh, then he's got blood on his hands.
Mary, please don't be lying. Tomorrow's special's chicken and dumplings.
Somebody has to kill the chickens. That's why I didn't hear you drive up.
We need some gas.
Yeah, man. Like gasoline?
Man, like right away I got eyes to see this cat ain't nobody's pop.
And he ain't never run no gas station before.
What do you think? I'm going to tell these squares?
I drop my bag at the end of the counter,
and then I walk around to the back of the station
and scrub some of the dirt off my face.
It takes me quite a while to scrub,
but I come back around the station just in time to see the two squares.
I drive off down the road.
Hey, what do you think happens?
Instead of turning right to go to Vegas, they turn to the left.
When I come in the cafe, I surprise this cat behind the counter.
Hey, man, you walk up on people like too quiet.
That's why they call me the tennis shoe.
Like you're here. They call me the cat.
I can tell why. Hey, where do those two squares go?
Mexico.
Mexico? They said they were going to Vegas.
Yeah, I know. They asked me where to turn, and I told them.
They drive long enough they'll wind up in Mexico.
Man, you are too cool.
I leave the cat and I'm walking west on 66 with my thumb ready.
Ten, maybe 15 minutes at the most,
and this squad car with the flashing lights screams up to a stop.
Right away they pull out those big shiny pistols.
And right away, I know what they're thinking.
This is really going to be crazy.
Hold your hands in the air.
Man, like always.
Hold them up high if you don't want your head blown off.
That's better. I'm going to search him, George.
Hey, easy, man. I laugh when people do that.
He's clean.
What do you got in the bag?
I got goodies for Grandma.
You good, Grandma?
Step away from it.
See what's in the bag, George.
Okay.
My God.
What is it?
We've got him.
What got who, man?
This is a hatchet killer, Charlie.
I look over to see what's in the bag and I almost slip.
There on top of the clean shirt with the dirty collar,
on top of all that cool poultry,
on top of an almost full half bottle of wine,
there's this hatchet I've never seen before.
Man, like I'd laugh.
But the hatchet is all bloody.
Now look, buddy.
You'd better give us your name and give it to us fast.
I told you, man. I'm the tennis shoe.
I don't like your flip attitude.
So flip, man, flip.
I don't know whether you realize it or not,
but you're in bad trouble.
You've been caught with a murder weapon
and no identification and no alibi.
I told you my story, but you don't dig it.
You expect me to believe that you've just been passing through this state?
Don't forget that Bronson cat in Gallup, New Mexico.
He's all the alibi I need.
I was swinging at a party at his place last night.
All night.
He digs me so I'm not shook.
This is a new kick, Daddy-o.
I ain't never been up for murder before.
Oh, too cool.
Kingman's here, Sarvis.
Yeah, he's here.
It's the Gallup police.
Hello.
Have you got them there with you?
Put them on.
Will you shut up so I can hear?
Hello?
Mr. Bronson, this is the Kingman Sheriff's Office.
We got a man here that says you know him.
He's had a party at your place last night.
Calls himself the Tennis Shoe.
What?
Just a minute.
Said you never heard of you.
Hey, let me talk to him.
Hello, man.
Yeah, man.
Hey, this is me.
The Tennis Shoe.
Oh, like I know.
Well, tell the man.
I would, but I keep forgetting.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Hey, Bronson.
Look, this is for real.
They're trying to pin a murder on me.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Crazy, man.
You were way out there.
Way out. Murder.
What kicks? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Like man.
Will somebody dig me?
Now, do you want to tell me why you killed him?
Yeah, but I didn't.
You were carrying a hatchet that killed five people.
How did it get in your bag?
The cat must have put it there.
Who's that? I told you already.
You know, the guy that was at Pop's place.
Who else saw him beside you?
I told you. The two squares. What, give me the lift?
The man and woman you sent in the wrong direction?
I didn't send him in the wrong direction. The cat did.
He's cool.
He did it for a kick.
You killed the old man for a kick?
I'm not a victim of a collection of circumstances.
I'm just a victim of the world, man.
Take him down and book him for first degree murder.
What's going on out there?
Most everybody in town's out front to yell at for the hatchet killer.
You aren't going to let them in here, Chief, huh?
If they make up their mind they're coming in, it's going to take more than me to stop them.
Well, you can't let them get me.
All right! Throw them out of here!
Don't pay any attention to them, Daddy-o.
I'm going to go out there and try and talk them out of it.
Yeah.
All right, all right, all right!
Give me a chance!
Give me a chance to speak my mind!
Quiet down!
Quiet!
We're all friends and neighbors.
I know how you all felt about Pop Daniels.
He was a friend of mine, too.
But I know you all well enough to know that you all want to see justice done.
That's what we brought the rope for!
That's right!
We want the killer!
Now quiet down a minute!
Quiet down!
It's like a nightmare.
A million hands pull and drag me out of the jail across the street
and into this sleepy little park in the center of town.
I try to laugh, man.
I mean, it's a new kick being dragged around like that.
I try to laugh.
Yeah, but no laugh comes out.
And when I see this rope,
I know there's a long knot in it.
And all of a sudden,
I think I thought I was going to be swimming at this party.
It's me!
You're going out of town.
No, I'm not going out of town.
I wonder what ever possessed that mad pops place to give us the wrong turn.
Oh, I should have paid more attention to my sense of direction.
All that driving, and here we are right back in Kingman.
I knew there was nobody in the street when we came through, and...
Well, now look at that crowd over there in the park.
Probably a political rally, of some sort.
No.
Look at that road, they're gonna hang somebody.
Hey, old timer.
Yes, sir?
What's going on?
They caught that fellow who's been going around
chopping up people over in Nevada.
Well, he sure made a mistake when he killed old Pop Daniels
here in Kingman's afternoon.
We don't put up with that kind of thing.
Look at that man, they're putting the rope on it.
Isn't that the same...
That's our hitchhiker.
They're making a terrible mistake.
He was with us all afternoon.
Walter, where are you going?
They'll hang him if I don't stop them.
Come back here, they'll hang you too.
Hey man, give me a break.
Wait.
I didn't do it.
What an innocent.
This man is innocent.
I made a mistake.
Let me through here.
Let me through.
Please, save me.
He's innocent, I can see that.
Get out of here.
I'm dying.
They've told me.
Give me a chance and listen to me.
If you hang him, you'll hang an innocent man.
I can prove he's innocent
because he was with my wife and me all afternoon.
Man, am I glad to see you.
After that, it really wasn't any trouble.
They told the cops where I'd been.
The cops were mad because I wasn't the killer.
But there wasn't anything they could do about it.
And the next morning, I walk out of jail into the sunshine and the fresh air.
Like man, man, it's really great to be alive.
And the world looks good.
Even people look good.
I walk down the main drag in a less than five blocks
and pass a little kid that tries to con me into buying up all his newspapers
so he can go home early.
A neon sign that screams good food and dance.
A hundred cars driven by guys that don't own them.
And no apology for some guy I bumped into.
And then I start wondering, what am I so gone about?
Young man.
Yeah, like?
I wonder if you'd be so kind.
You see, my daughter let me out of her car.
She told me the optometrist was straight ahead.
And somehow I got turned around.
Would you lead me to the right door?
Optometrist?
Yes, I broke my glasses this morning.
Well, Grandma, I don't know how you did it,
but you drifted yourself down a block.
You drifted yourself down about two doors.
Here, take my arm.
Oh, thank you so much.
You're such a kind young man.
Watch it.
There's a step here.
Oh, my.
It's cool in here.
I didn't know you were hip, Grandma.
And what nice music on the radio.
Here, Mom, that's way out.
Now, look, here's a chair.
You sit down.
Oh, thank you so much.
Oh, my, whatever would I have done without you?
Shh.
There's a sign over there that says,
Quiet, please.
I'll tell the receptionist you're here.
Don't go away.
Can I help you?
Yeah.
Are you one of the family or a friend of the deceased?
It's my mother.
She doesn't want to view the body.
She just wants to sit here and meditate about the deal he's a part of.
I see.
Yeah, yeah.
Just leave her alone with her thoughts.
I'll be fine and pick her up in a while.
We do our best to be a comfort in the time of trial and stress.
Man.
Hehehehehe.
Ha ha ha.
I get out on the street and I hot foot it way out in the desert before I fall down and
bust out laughing.
You know, think of that old chick sitting in that bureau parlor waiting for a pair of glasses.
I'm just about to crack up, man.
Oh, I cracked.
Hehehehehe.
Ha ha ha.
One thing about squares, man, they just never ever learn.
The
to keep you in suspense.