And now, tonight's presentation of radio's outstanding theater of thrills, Suspense.
Tonight we bring you a story of Christmas shopping and a present that went astray.
We call it, A Present for Benny.
So now, starring Jack Crouchon, here is tonight's Suspense play, A Present for Benny.
Honey lamb.
Huh?
They got a gorgeous ermine on sale at Halgrams.
Just gorgeous, look.
Later, later.
Give me the rest of the mail.
And not the bills.
Sure, baby doll.
Oh honey pot, it's gorgeous.
Like the stuff you got in that big job last month.
I got a, you know, a...
Something wrong, lover?
Shut up.
Hey, you call me, boss?
Who call you?
You want to get thrown out the window?
He's all upset, Swiftie, on a kind of a letter.
Sure, I'm upset.
Yeah, you listen to this.
Dear Ricky, I'm sending you this letter like kind of an X-mas greeting.
I got a holiday feeling in me, so I'm going to give you the new straight.
Three of my boys is the ones who hijacked that load of fur from you last month.
Because you were a dirty no good fink, I'm stating to you that there ain't no room for
the two of us in this town.
So me and the boys is moving you out.
You were a big chiseler, and if you don't drop dead when you read this, me and the boys
will pump you full of lead next time we see you.
Yours truly, and a merry X-mas.
Machine gun Benny.
He's a dirty rat.
Baby, honey, you could give it to me for Christmas.
It's only two Gs, and it's just gorgeous.
Look, will you shut your trap?
I got enough trouble.
Boss, boss, what are you going to do?
What do you think?
What do you think?
Go call the boys.
Sure.
No, wait a minute.
We got to do this careful.
We don't want no open war, you know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, I know what you mean, boss.
Just a couple of us, see.
Two good heads, and you and me.
Yeah, that's the best.
Yeah, yeah, sure, that's the best.
Artie the Grunt, yeah, yeah, Artie, and no-nose-fibers, that's it, just done.
Artie the Grunt and no-nose-fibers.
Okay, Rick.
That small time thing, sure there's room for only one of us, and he's going to find out
which one it is.
You tell him, honey lamb.
Didn't I tell you to make me a drink?
No.
You calling me a liar?
Honey lamb, I ain't calling you a liar.
You never told me to make you a drink, did you, Swifty?
I told you to make me a drink a minute ago.
I got ears, you never told me.
I'm telling you again, go make me a drink.
Okay, okay, big thing, big, giving orders like a general or something.
And don't get so smart.
Dumb dame.
Okay, Swifty.
You get the boys over here, we got to have us a conference.
All right now, the way I see it, it's machine gun Benny on me, see?
And it's going to be me.
Yeah, right.
Sure, boy.
He wants trouble, he found the right party.
You want, you want we should go over and rub them out, boss?
What's the matter with you, no nose?
He may be stupid, but he ain't dumb.
Yeah, that's what he figures.
We'll go gunning on him, that's what he figures, see?
So we ain't gonna, we're gonna play it smart.
Artie.
Hmm?
You got any ideas?
No nose?
Well, cheap boys, you don't want to use no choppers.
Gee, how about a good old ride?
Dope.
How you gonna get at him for a ride?
What a dope.
Honey love.
What, what?
Look, don't bother me, will you?
I got just a present I'm gonna buy you.
Good, good, that's good.
Now shut up, boss.
I got a thought, maybe we could send this bum a bomb, maybe, huh?
You can't send no bomb through the mail, you know that, it's against the law.
Ain't you guys got any?
Whoa, wait a minute.
Yeah?
I got something.
What boss?
How's about we could send him a little present, huh?
What do you want you should send him a present for?
A Xmas present, see all wrapped up with paper, ribbon and everything, nice box about, oh
about this big and this wide, and when he opens it, boom.
But boss, you just said we couldn't send him-
Not through the mail, from the store, from, hey, Mil, Mil, what's the name of that store
you always buying at?
Halgram.
Hey, you gonna buy me that almond?
Go make me a drink, make for the boys too.
Oh gee whiz, okay.
Halgrams, yeah, that's a place, real high class.
Yeah, I like that, I like that.
Merry Christmas Benny, boom.
Yeah, yeah.
Boss, you figure he'll fall for this, you figure?
Sure he would, we get the store to deliver it, how's he gonna suspect?
Well, how are we gonna get him to deliver it, boss?
We don't worry about now, it gets delivered.
Artie.
Mm-hmm?
You got to make us for a bomb.
The old-fashioned kind, you know, all out of broken glass and nails.
What'd he say?
Yeah, yeah, he says he can make it.
Oh, okay, now you take care of that and I want it day after tomorrow.
All right.
And you make it a ticker, see, but don't set nothing till we're ready.
Yeah, yeah.
Rick, I got to hand it to you, you're a genius.
Yeah.
You are a genius, boys, ain't he a genius?
Yeah, he's got the Christmas spirit too.
It's better to give than to receive.
Okay, okay, now shut up.
We got to figure out a plan for the store to deliver it.
Yeah, we got to figure.
Honey lamb, ain't you coming to bed?
No, I ain't coming to bed.
But it's two o'clock a.m., I'm tired.
Go make some coffee.
Honey.
I'm too hungry.
Why don't you finish thinking tomorrow so I can get some sleep?
Don't you never think about nothing else but sleeping.
Sure.
I've been thinking all day about that ermine and halgrams I was telling you.
Baby, oh, baby.
I love you, baby, I love you.
I love you too, honey lamb.
So why don't we just go to bed.
Hey, hey, snap out of it, boys.
Come on, wake up, quick.
Hey, wake up.
Hey, wake up.
Hey, wake up.
Hey, wake up.
Hey, wake up.
Hey, wake up.
Hey, wake up.
Hey, wake up.
Hey, wake up.
Wake up.
Hey, wake up.
Baby, wake up.
Oh, baby, stop.
Oh, baby.
Oh, baby.
Get your clothes off and make some coffee.
Now, listen, boys, here's how we do it.
Hey, gorgeous, honey.
Oh, just simply gorgeous.
Hey, gorgeous, honey.
Oh, just simply gorgeous.
Feel the pelt, sir. Notice the sheen.
I felt that I seen it too Jesus too much.
I'll give you fifteen hundred.
Oh, I'm sorry, sir. It's been marked down from thirty-two.
We positively cannot sell it for under two thousand.
Now, we have a nice mink for fifteen hundred.
Oh, Ricky, honey, don't be chintzy. It's Christmas.
Will you shut your mouth and go buy your old lady something?
I'll see you at the house.
Ain't you gonna buy it? It's so gorgeous.
For fifteen hundred I'll buy it. For two I ain't interested. Now, beat it.
Oh, gee. Okay.
But don't go buying me no lousy mink.
You know it gives me the hives.
Ha, ha, ha.
Ain't she a living doll?
Okay, wrap it up.
You'll take the ermine, sir?
Sure I'm taking. I want to surprise her.
Here. One. Two, gee.
Oh, yes, sir. Thank you, sir.
Would you like it wrapped as a gift for the lady?
Yeah, I want it in a box with lots of ribbon and exmus junk all over, you know.
And I want you to give me another box the same size, see, ribbons and everything.
It's gonna be kind of an exmus joke on a pal.
You get what I mean? A happy box, you know.
Oh, and give me a couple of cards to write on.
Yes, sir. Will you have them sent?
No, I'll take them both with me.
Well, it'll just take a few minutes, sir.
So I'll wait.
Okay.
Hey, Artie, when you got the timer set for it to go off?
Well, t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t...
What'd he say?
He says he got it set for 23 hours.
It'll go off at 4 o'clock tomorrow afternoon.
What happens if, er, he opens it before?
He's gonna be...
What'd he say?
He said it'll go off anywhere.
Oh, that's good. Nice work, Artie, nice work.
Hey, I bet you he opens it.
Don't worry, I bet he ain't got no patience.
For instance, he gets a big tree beginning of December.
All the trimmings, his pals around him, a couple of cases of old stag.
Christmas presents mean something to a guy like that.
It is going to this year, that is for sure.
Okay, here you go.
All right, now, you carry, Swifty, and I'll take the airmen home.
Sure, boss.
Now, you know what you gotta do.
I am to take the bomb back to the store.
There, I'm to find a guy who'll let you sell the airmen.
Yeah, Mr. Minchi.
Minchi?
Yeah.
Then I give him the bomb and I tell him that he's to send it on to Benny.
And you tell him it's the gag that I was talking about,
and you give him a C-note for doing you the favor.
I got it.
Okay.
Artie, when you get through cleaning up,
come over to my place, we'll play some poker tonight, okay?
Yeah, sure.
All right, see you, Artie.
He's a good boy, that Artie.
I'm gonna get him one of them new 45s rexpers.
Hey, that'd be nice, boss.
Me, I like a 38 better.
Don't make as big a hole, but it don't weigh you down so much.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I know what you mean.
Here, will you hold my box a minute? I want to get a cigarette.
Sure, boss.
Boss, look out! It's Benny! Get down!
You are listening to A Present for Benny,
tonight's presentation in radio's outstanding theater of thrills,
Suspense.
Let's look ahead to 1966,
and there you are in your beautiful new home.
You've got automatic gadgets everywhere.
There's a sparkling new dream car in your garage.
The youngsters are in a fine college.
All's right with the world.
Is this just an idle dream?
No, this is a real future that you can start building right now.
A secure, carefree, prosperous future
built with the United States' savings bonds.
In ten years, you will get back $4 for every $3 you've invested.
Join the payroll savings plan where you work,
or buy bonds where you bank.
Start in 1956 to make 1966 the beginning of the golden years.
And now we bring back to our Hollywood sound stage
Jack Crouchon, starring in tonight's production
A Present for Benny.
A tale well calculated to keep you in...
Suspense.
Boss, that was close.
Oh, that's no good, dirty no good.
Benny, he was not kidding about his getting there.
And me, I wasn't kidding about getting him.
I'll wait five minutes,
and you take the bomb down the store like I said.
Uh, boss?
Huh?
Which one have you got?
You got the bomb or Milt's Omen?
Oh, should I know?
You were holding them when we hit the dirt.
I just picked one up, we come back in here.
They sure do look alike.
Listen, you stupid dope, you got it mixed up the packages?
Boss, what with that chopper going, I...
I just didn't notice.
Oh, I ought to give you such a hit.
What are we gonna do now?
You got me, boss. I guess they weigh about the same.
We cannot tell that way.
Boss, maybe we should have put different colored ribbons on them.
Uh, so as we could tell.
Yeah, now you're getting smart.
Now he thinks of it.
Oh, come on.
We're going back up to Artie's?
Yeah, he'll open them up, find them on with the bomb,
and then we'll wrap them up again.
Oh, sure, Rick. Sure.
That's Benny.
You know, I should have rubbed him out a long time ago.
You know, boss, I sure wish I could be there
and see his face when he opens up the bomb.
Yeah.
You know, it's too bad he will not get time to read the card
if the hole is his problem.
Artie, open up, it's Rick.
You guys have trouble?
Yeah, we had some trouble.
Benny and some of his boys as we was walking out.
They missed.
We ain't going to.
Jerky here got the packages mixed up, though.
You gotta open up and see which is which.
Hmm?
Well, come on, come on.
So open it up so it don't blow up.
I can't.
What do you mean you can't? What are you nuts?
How am I gonna know which one you send that rat?
Boss, maybe we could have thrown the bomb in the river.
Then it would be okay.
Oh, sure, oh, boy, what a schnook.
We throw the ermine in the river, too.
And then we can see which is the bomb.
Uh, I forgot that.
On the count of you, I'm gonna be out two Gs,
and you know what, it comes out of your cutter.
The next job we do, we gotta send both boxes to Benny now.
Boss, maybe the ermine won't blow up when he does,
and then we can take it back from his tomato after he is buried.
Swifty, do me a favor.
Stop making me feel so good before I kick your brains in.
Now, look, you take them boxes back to the store,
and send them out right away, you hear?
I don't want no innocent people hurt when it goes off.
Just leave it to me, boss.
What did he say?
He says you really got a heart, boss.
Oh, and don't either of you say nothing about the ermine or mills.
See, I'll have to get her another one.
Oh, I won't say nothing.
Me neither, me neither.
Okay, Swifty, now get going.
I'll see you both back at my place.
Is that you, honey baby?
Yeah.
Oh, me and Nono's just having a game of G,
and I couldn't wait for you to get back G, I love you.
Did you get it?
What?
The ermine.
No, go make me a drink.
Oh, baby lamb.
You didn't really?
Oh, you're kidding.
You're going to make it a surprise.
It ain't going to be no surprise on account of I didn't get it,
now go make me a drink.
Hey, Nono's.
Yeah, boss.
Gee, I bought you a pretty...
Oh, well, you're sure going to look like something in it.
Oh, wait till you see...
Okay, okay.
Guess what I got to guess.
Look, I don't feel like no games.
It's been a tough day.
I'm tired.
Do me a favour, make me a drink,
then go to a movie or something, will you?
Gee.
Yeah, Rick?
Where was I?
Oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah.
Look, you better call the rest of the boys
and tell them that Benny's our gunner for us.
Tell them to stay here out until they hear from EC
and I don't want no trouble with the DA.
He's up for re-election.
You got Benny's presence and off okay, huh?
Yeah.
Boy, when he croaks, he'll die laughing
if he opens the other box first.
The other box?
Yeah, I'll tell you about it when Mill's gone out.
Oh.
Yeah?
Boss, this is Swifty.
Yeah?
You've got nothing to worry about.
Everything is taken care of.
The stuff goes off the first thing in the morning.
Okay, come on back.
Sure, Rick.
I just thought that you should like to know.
So long.
Oh, Artie.
What do you call these?
Boil it, boil it.
I asked for three minutes boiled.
These ain't even born yet.
Well, cook this, Jerry.
Ain't you never gonna learn how to boil an egg?
I'll fix you some more.
I ain't hungry.
Forget it.
Artie, what time is it?
Look, huh?
No, it ain't, Artie.
It's 1.30, boss.
Benny should have got the bomb by now.
Of course you want.
I should call him and kind of ask after his help.
No, no.
If he ain't got it yet, he might get suspicious.
Oh, boy, his waiting.
You know, it's making a nervous wretch out of me.
Just take it easy.
It'll go off.
If you don't want eggs, honey,
how about some nice hot coffee, lover?
Okay, okay.
You'll feel better when you see what I've got for you.
They're sending it today.
Yeah, okay.
Should I open the boss?
Yeah, I'll cover you.
Oh, you're so nervous all of a sudden this morning, honey.
All right, all right.
I'm nervous.
So who is it?
No nose.
Let him in.
What do you say, boss?
What's in the package?
Oh, this?
Well, it just come up from Holgram's.
Elevator was bringing it up.
Oh, now don't you spoil it, honey lamb.
That's my present to you.
You can take the wrapping paper off, but you can't open the box.
We got to put it under the tree when we get the tree.
Hey, boss.
Yeah?
That box looks awful familiar.
Yeah.
Mill, you sure you bought this yesterday?
Sure, I'm sure.
Looks just like the ones we sent to Benny, don't it?
Same size, same ribbon, same everything.
Kind of makes you wonder.
Don't be silly.
They got millions of boxes like this.
Oh, it happens there's something very special in there for my sweetie lamb.
What's in it?
Go ahead and open it.
Go ahead.
No, no, I'll wait.
I ain't like Benny.
I can wait.
Oh, honey, you open it.
It's okay.
I'll get you something else to open on Christmas.
Sure, why not, boss?
You need something to make you feel good.
I feel good now.
I don't want to feel no better.
Oh, and I thought you'd like it so much.
You'd go with me and maybe buy a chinchilla.
They got on sale at Hargund.
It's only 1,500, just what you wanted to pay for the oimen.
I like chinchilla.
Come on, boss, open it up.
Open, open, open.
All right, all right, I'll open it.
Hey, Swifty, go get it.
Sure, boy.
Oh, I can't wait for the lid to come off.
Yeah?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah?
Yeah, well, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Boss?
It's that guy at the store, Hargund.
Oh, Minchi?
Yeah.
You want me to open it for you, honey?
No.
Yeah.
Mr. McQueen?
Yeah.
This is Mr. Minchi in the Fair Department at Hargund.
So?
Mr. McQueen, I'm terribly sorry, but I think there's been a mistake.
What kind of mistake?
What do you mean?
A little confusion, but I'm sure it can be easily rectified.
Your wife bought something for you yesterday, which was to be delivered this morning.
Yeah, yeah, it's already come.
Yes, well, there seems to have been an error made in the shipping department, a matter of mislaid address slips.
Now, I wonder if you'd mind opening the package which you just received.
Or perhaps since it's a Christmas parcel and a surprise for you, no doubt your wife would rather do it.
Why? What's wrong with it?
Well, you see, those two boxes which your man brought in yesterday afternoon haven't gone out yet.
They were to be sent to Mr. Benjamin Mollisk, I believe it is.
Yeah?
I think the gift which you have is one of those, and, well, yours is his, that is, if you follow me.
Now, if you'd open it, I'm sure...
Boss, there's something wrong.
Hey, you're pale.
You're sick?
What's the time?
It's a quarter to two.
Ain't you gonna open your presents?
Don't nobody touch that box, it's loaded.
The bomb?
Yeah, the bomb.
Well, of course it could have been...
You shut up, Swifty. I've got enough trouble without her here on that.
Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, I'll get you in here.
Are you talking about me?
Oh, get that thing out of here. Get it down in the store. I've got to send a special messenger.
Let him send all three boxes to that punk Benny. Well, what do I care?
Maybe I should send him a Cadillac to go with it.
You know what I think? I think it'll be cheaper to kill myself.
Hey, what's the time?
Ten to four, baby.
Where's that Swifty?
Don't worry, he'll be here.
Maybe Benny got him.
Yeah, maybe I should have sent you and Artie with him.
Get it, Artie. No nose in the meal, cover your...
It's me, Artie. Swifty, open up.
Boss, I've got it all straightened out. Everything is OK.
Boy, something's up with those guys down at the store.
What's that?
This? Oh, this is your present the mill got for you.
I told you, they have got it all straightened out OK now.
You know, it's Christmas rush, everybody's Meshuggah, you know?
So now they have found the right slips, wrapped up the boxes again,
and Benny's presents have been delivered right now, and this one, this is yours.
You're sure this time I should?
Boss, would I make a lie out of myself?
This box you can open, I guarantee it.
Yeah, because you might not like the color I got you.
So I wish you would open it, and if it ain't right, we can take it back this afternoon,
and you can change it and maybe take a look at the chinchillas I was telling you about.
Yeah, this time I'm going to wait. When Benny blows up, I open it.
What's the time?
That's two minutes to four.
You sure? Is your watch right?
Well, boss, I just call a tomato on a telephone and it gives you the time.
Honeypot, you're too nervous. This ain't like you. Here, I'll open it for you.
Hey, Mill, you quit that.
Oh, boss.
Gosh, take it easy, boss. You're all right.
Oh, I bet you're just going to love it. I just bet.
It's about Benny. He opened it. What do you bet?
Wham, right through the wall.
Yeah?
Rick, this is Machine Gun Benny.
Benny.
Listen, pal, I feel like a dirty rat. That's what I feel like, a dirty rat.
When I think what I tried to do to you yesterday and all the time you was making neverminds with the presents, which I and my girl are right now wearing, I tell you, I could eat mud.
Yeah.
She says she never seen such a omen. And the robot's the greatest. Oh, pal, I am a heel. But it ain't too late to change.
Hey, what do you say we bury the hatchet, eh?
Yeah.
I'll split with you on our furs I hijack from you. And we're partners, you and me. Run the town together. What do you say, eh?
Yeah.
All right? So you and Mill and your boys come on over and partake of some Xmas cheer. You hear me, boy?
You're a great guy, Rick. The greatest. So long, pal. Merry Xmas.
So long.
Benny, huh?
Yeah.
This one's the bomb?
Yeah.
Too bad.
What's the time?
It's three minutes after four.
Three after?
Artie, the time has come and gone. How come it didn't go off?
Look a moment of a little Christmas.
What'd he say?
He says he did not want to blow nobody up so near to Christmas.
Then what's in the box?
I'll go show him.
Huh?
He's gonna show it.
Suspense.
In which Jack Crouchon starred in tonight's presentation of A Present for Benny.
Next week, a charming fantasy about a small boy who discovered a new world and lived forever after in its enchantment.
We call it The Cave. That's next week on Suspense.
Suspense is produced and directed by Anthony Ellis, who also wrote tonight's script. The music was composed by Rene Garagang and conducted by Wilbur Hatch.
Featured in the cast were Stacey Harris, Eve McVeigh, Benny Rubin, Junius Matthews, and Joseph Kearns.
Time's growing short for the youngsters to write to Bing Crosby. The deadline for postmarked letters is Thursday, December 15th, midnight.
All your youngster has to do is write a letter to Bing telling what Christmas means to me. Then mail it to Bing Crosby, CBS Radio, Hollywood 28 California.
The winner will read his letter in person when America Sings with Bing, Christmas Eve on CBS Radio.
All youngsters 12 years of age and under are eligible. That address once again, Bing Crosby, CBS Radio, Hollywood 28 California.
Be sure the young letter writer puts his name and address on the letter.
Stay tuned now for five minutes of CBS Radio news to be followed on most of these same stations by The Jack Carson Show.
The thrill to Gunsmoke every Saturday and Sunday on the CBS Radio Network.
The Jack Carson Show