Auto Light and its 98,000 dealers bring you Miss Ethel Merman in tonight's presentation
of Suspense.
Tonight, Auto Light presents the story of a good-humored lady with a big voice and a
soft-spoken boy with a very sharp knife.
The story is called, Never Follow a Banjo Act.
Our star, the queen of musical comedy, Miss Ethel Merman.
This is Harlow Wilcox with $100,000 News.
You may get your own church, hospital, or other community or national charity a big share
of that sum.
There's nothing to do except write your name and address on a registration form at any
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If you're one of 25 persons selected, you will name your favorite recognized charity
or charities to share in this $100,000 Auto Light family gift.
Now, it is my privilege to introduce Mr. Basil O'Connor, National Chairman of the March
of Dimes.
Thank you.
I'm sure everybody in America will open his heart to this most generous offer.
Of course, those selected can give to church, hospital, or any other recognized charity.
But I for one am hoping a big share goes to my favorite charity, the March of Dimes, whose
crucial campaign is underway.
But for that once in a lifetime thrill, to be able to give thousands of dollars to the
March of Dimes or any other charity, be sure to register with your local Auto Light family
car dealer tomorrow.
Thank you, Mr. O'Connor.
Friends, visit your DeSoto, Hudson, Plymouth, Studebaker, Dodge, Willis, Nash, Packard,
Kaiser, or Chrysler dealer, help your favorite charity share in $100,000.
And now, Auto Light presents transcribed, Never Follow a Banjo Act, starring Miss Ethel
Merman, hoping once again to keep you in suspense.
You're a hero, a Nero, Apollo, the Wizard of Oz, you the kingdom, power and glory,
the old, old, oldest of stories, the new, true, you've built your Rome in just one day.
Life is mystic, a midsummer's night we live in, a Turkish delight, you're in heaven,
it's swell when you're really in love.
It's swell when you're really in love.
How about that, folks?
Great.
I mean it, ladies and gentlemen.
Rosie Jones, come on, take one more bow, Rosie.
Oh, man, she really does come on, that girl.
Well, ladies and gentlemen, all you lovely uptown types, you came, you saw, and you heard,
the one and only, the immortal Rosie Jones, right at 52nd Street in the club nightshade.
Hey, sing well and call his baby.
And now we bring you Chico and his Mambo Rascals.
Get it, boys.
Sing melancholy, baby.
Hey, no, doll, no.
No what?
Don't unhook.
You got company coming back.
Listen, Benny, if I've told you once, I've told you a million times...
Yeah, but this is different, doll.
Oh, this is different.
Yeah, it's always different.
Come on, come on, fix your hair.
May I come in?
It's open.
I can't stop you.
My name is Cram, Rosie, Ray Cram.
I'd like to talk to you.
Ray Cram, huh?
Beat it, mister.
I don't think you got the name right, or maybe you never heard of me.
Every guy who wants to make a big impression back here claims he either is or is representing
a big agent.
Doll, this is Ray Cram.
I assure you, Miss Jones, this is Mr. Cram.
And who, my dear, are you?
I'm Johnson, assistant to Mr. Cram.
Tell you what, Mr. Cram, show me your driver's license.
Oh, there you are.
Oh, have a chair.
Call me Ray.
You know, I've been an admirer of yours for many years, Rosie.
Many, many years.
You can skip the many years stuff.
I guess we all know how long I've been around.
Sorry, Rosie.
For some time, I've been casting about in my mind, speculating as to how your mature
talents could best be utilized.
Benny.
Listen to Mr. Cram, doll.
Benny, if this is a rib, so help me, I'll kill you.
Go on, Mr. Cram.
Well, last night it came to him.
I know.
You want me to replace Marilyn Monroe.
Rosie, you're a sensitive, insecure girl because somehow these last few years have passed you
by.
But I want you to shut up and listen.
All right.
But so help me, if this is a rib...
Shut up.
You know I'm representing Terry Dane.
And you know who he is and you know what I got, right?
And no cracks.
Right?
Right, right, right.
The hottest thing since Frankie was first discovered.
That's it.
We've had new ones and new ones.
They come, they go.
But this Terry Dane's a million dollars a year gross.
With tousled hair, face you'd like to put in your lap and hug and kiss, and a voice like...
Well, he answered to a maiden's prayer.
Personally, I go for men.
But what's the pitch?
He goes for men, great little kidder, huh?
Listen, Rosie, you ask me what's the pitch, I'll tell you.
We're opening Terry at the new Cactus Retreat in Vegas, two weeks from Saturday.
He gets 25 Gs a week.
I read it in Billboard.
Big deal.
We need somebody to work with him, Rosie.
Somebody who's got the experience and the talent and a voice you could lay bricks on.
Somebody who can really go along with him.
It is a rib.
Will you shut up?
So may my mother be struck dead if I should say one word that isn't the truth and sincere
from the heart.
Go on.
Benny's paying you 275, Rosie.
I want to buy you a contract from him.
I'll give you an even grand, legitimate expenses plus transportation.
You like?
To work with Terry Dane.
Four weeks guaranteed, maybe a bonus, who knows?
Benny.
I've seen the contract, Rosie.
And you?
I assure you, Miss Jarrett.
I give you 10 seconds to give me a firm answer.
Say yes, we finalize it here and now.
You don't mind if I seem a bit in the dark.
That's nine seconds.
What happened to that big My Darling Died campaign your office was spreading when you
had him singing I'll Never Smile Again and so forth over the cute little girl who was
killed in that accident?
Constance Green.
Boy got over it.
So why don't you get him another young thing like she was?
Never follow a banjo act with a banjo act, Rosie.
Whole show business model.
Gee, she was cute.
And that accident, what was it?
She fell through a shower door or something, bled to death.
Five seconds.
Four, three, two, I'll take it.
That's my girl, Rosie.
Now, while you're signing these, gentlemen, if you'll just leave us alone for a minute.
Sure thing, Mr. Cramp.
Now, the pen just, yeah, that's it.
Standard form, no writers?
No writers, Rosie.
But there's one thing I want to make clear right from the outset so there's no misunderstandings
later.
Why, Mr. Cramp.
No, serious, dear.
Bob Terry, keep away from him.
Okay.
Keep away, dear.
He's a moody kid, terribly shy.
Remember what I said before about liking men?
Yeah, and that's what I call being mature.
He's just a boy.
You got no interest.
You'll develop none.
You'll keep clear, clean, and away.
Is that right?
Right.
Oh, I'll make it look good on stage, Ray, but after hours, after hours, I'm going hunting
for one of those Nevada cowpokes.
Terry Dane.
Me and Terry Dane.
Do you like this, Rosie?
It was a good arrangement, Terry.
Go on.
They're cueing your solo.
Who cares about solos?
I like duets.
I like doing it with you, honey.
You're a passionate one you are.
So get on with you and passionize that mob, Terry.
They're calling for an encore, sugar.
An encore of humor, boy, of you.
They like you, love you.
Every last dame in the place.
So get out there.
Yes.
They love me.
It's true.
Every last one of them out there.
Rosie seems to.
I don't intend to try to explain it.
It's just a thing that happens to women when I sing.
That's right.
That's right.
Now sing for them.
That's the boy.
But it's somehow it just doesn't seem to happen to you, Rosie.
Now why would that be?
Why would that be?
Why would that be?
Lady wages two bits on the 23 red.
Rosie.
Hello, Ray.
Get me a two bit plunger.
After your turn in the last show.
Yeah?
Gary was whispering to you.
What about me?
Oh, he wants me to join his fan club.
Something.
I don't know.
And what else?
Nothing else.
You sure?
Hey, look, what is this anyway?
Nothing there.
Keep up the good work.
And keep on keeping away from Terry.
That's right, dear.
A pleasure.
Bye now.
Toodle-oo.
Miss Jones, ma'am?
Why, hello, Texas.
Oh, my name ain't Texas, ma'am.
It's Earl.
Earl what?
Earl.
But that's such a short name for such a long man.
I just wanted to tell you how much I like your singing, Miss Jones.
Really?
Oh, you're not just saying that.
Oh, no, ma'am.
You're one in a million, Earl.
Yes, I'm.
Blurt it out, Earl.
Well, I'd sincerely like to buy you a drink, Miss Jones.
Well, let's settle up, Pot, and get with it.
You know, it's a right smart stretch since I've seen the sunrise, Earl.
The finest time of the day, Miss Rosie.
And look at those mountains, all purpley and gold.
Yeah, man, could look at those mountains for quite a spell.
Here's my bungalow, Earl, so I guess I'll be saying good night.
Or is it good morning?
Don't rightly know which to say, ma'am.
Let's just make it so long till later.
We still got that riding day?
Yes, ma'am.
Oh, yes, ma'am.
So long, Podner.
Bye.
Who's there?
Who's that in my bedroom?
Hey, dream boy, what do you think you're doing in my bungalow?
Dream boy, Terry.
Oh, come on, Terry.
Time to go home to your Betty bye.
Got to look good tonight, paly.
Yes, indeedy.
So come on.
Stand up.
Hey, you're going to cut yourself playing with that butcher knife.
Put it away.
Oh, yes, ma'am.
Oh, yes, ma'am.
Oh, yes, ma'am.
Oh, yes, ma'am.
Oh, yes, ma'am.
Oh, yes, ma'am.
Oh, yes, ma'am.
Oh, yes, ma'am.
Oh, yes, ma'am.
Oh, yes, ma'am.
You look just like Connie.
You're like Connie.
Connie?
You're like Connie.
And like that other one when I was little.
Connie?
Oh, you mean Constance Green, that little girl who used to sing with you, the one who
died?
Connie was like you.
Oh, we're not in the least.
Connie didn't like me.
Yeah, don't, don't snap that so close to me.
Don't.
Connie didn't like me.
You don't like me.
Everybody likes you, Terry.
You don't?
Yes, I do. I do.
Why?
Because when you sing, when you sing,
it does something to me way inside.
Does it?
Yeah, it makes a lump in my throat,
and I just want to swoon.
You don't mean it.
I do. I do.
I've never heard anything like you, Terry,
and your hair. Oh, I love your hair.
I just wanted to... to... to tousle it.
Do that.
Do what?
What you said.
Huh?
Don't you remember?
Oh, that knife. It's... it's making me nervous.
You don't like me, or you do what I said.
Oh, oh, oh.
Put down the knife, and I will.
All right.
Like this?
Yes.
Do you like to do that?
Oh, oh, yes. I...
I love to tousle your hair, Terry.
You do?
Yes, you do, don't you?
I can tell.
Yes, Terry.
I'll bet you'd like to kiss my eyes now, Connie.
Oh, yes. Yes.
Tousle your hair and kiss your eyes.
Yes.
But I won't let you.
It's time I went back to my bungalow.
All right, honey, if you insist.
When I saw you lying there, all in blood,
I knew you finally loved me, and it was right.
And it was right.
Yes, yes, yes.
Well, I'll see you tonight, darling.
It's mean making you wait.
Yes, yes, yes.
Auto Light is bringing you Miss Ethel Merman in Never Follow a Banjo Act,
tonight's presentation in radio's outstanding theater of thrills, Suspense.
Hi, Harlow.
Well, hello, Bob. Hey, got new Plymouth, eh?
Yes, sir, and what a car.
Just like they say, under the beauty, there is solid value.
Say, you know, we're saluting Plymouth tonight on Suspense
as a distinguished member of the Auto Light family.
Plymouth's a distinguished member of my family, too, Harlow.
The kids love its looks, my wife loves the comfort,
and I really go for the economy.
And we all go for a drive every time we can,
because with Plymouth, driving is the real pleasure it should be.
Hey, talking about drives, you get a choice of three, don't you, Bob?
Yes, you do, Harlow.
Synchro silent, or if you wish, automatic overdrive, or no shift high drive.
They're all available on this great new Plymouth.
And of course, you know, Harlow, four is Auto Light equipped.
I sure do, Bob.
You're justly proud of your new Plymouth,
and Auto Light is also proud of its long association with Plymouth
and Plymouth dealers everywhere.
And now, Auto Light brings back to our Hollywood sound stage
Miss Ethel Merman in Elliot Lewis's production of
Never Follow a Banjo Act,
a tale well calculated to keep you in suspense.
Oh, good morning, Miss Jones.
Let me in.
How's that?
It's me, Ray. Come out here. I've got to see you.
Well, what are you doing up this time of day, dear?
What's the problem, Rosie?
It's your boy, your client, your tousle-headed million dollar gross.
Ha, ha, ha. Terry?
Yeah.
Now, what's the rascal up to this morning?
Murder.
Very funny.
Now, come on, Rosie, what's going on?
You mean you don't know?
Oh, no, what? No jokes, Rosie.
Now, what's this about Terry?
In words of one syllable, Ray, that boy is a nut.
He was in my bedroom just now with a knife, this long,
suggesting that I should maybe flip every time he opens his mouth.
I tell you, he scared the living daylights out of me.
This is serious.
You bet it is. He darn near cut my throat.
And all because he said I didn't like him.
Didn't like him?
Yeah.
And you know what you said about the old show business motto,
Never Follow a Banjo Act with a Banjo Act?
Yeah.
Well, Ray Cram, you've done it.
He's got me all mixed up with her and something about lying in a pool of blood
and, oh, this isn't for a baby.
To that boy, I'm another Banjo Act.
Well, well, what should we do?
Call the police. Let them handle it.
We can't very well do that, can we?
Why not? The kid's sick. He's insane. He could do anything.
Aren't you exaggerating a bit?
No.
Think now, dear. Don't you think it might have been just a little joke?
Ray, nobody makes jokes like that.
Sure they do. Don't they, Johnson?
Yes, Mr. Cram.
Quite often.
So why don't we forget about this, huh, Rosie?
Forget about it?
Yeah, forget about it.
Hey, now.
You're getting a grand a week, dear.
Top publicity, a swell time.
So why don't you relax, hmm?
I'll have a little talk with Terry. There'll be no more jokes, I promise.
Okay?
You know.
Know what? That the kid's maybe a little loopy?
You know. You know about him and that little knife of his.
Don't raise your voice.
And maybe you know how that other girl, that Connie, died.
She fell through a shower door.
I read about it.
She was cut up pretty bad, wasn't she?
Johnson.
Yes, Mr. Cram.
Give me a drink.
Yes, Mr. Cram.
You want a drink, Rosie?
At six o'clock in the morning?
What I want is a good explanation, and after that I want to use your phone.
Now listen, Rosie, and listen good.
You've been around a long time, dear,
and you know what can sometimes happen to a Weisenheimer who goes popping off when it's uncalled for.
But this is called for. That kid belongs in an asylum or someplace.
That kid represents a million dollar gross.
Of which you get 10%.
Of which I get a whole lot less than that.
He's divided up a half a dozen ways, Rosie.
Some of the holders are very influential parties.
One of the parties in particular wouldn't like it if anything happened to make the money stop coming in.
That party's name's a secret.
But I'm gonna tell it to you, Rosie, because you've been around and you'll appreciate this.
Who?
The syndicate.
So explain. They're human beings, sort of.
Tell them the truth. Tell them they bought in on something bad, just like you.
You don't understand. I sold them their piece. Me, Ray Cram.
You're in trouble.
Not unless you talk, and if you do, you're in trouble too.
Here's your drink, Mr. Cram.
Ah, you put ice in it.
I'm sorry, Mr. Cram.
Ice hurts my caps.
So sorry, Mr. Cram.
Go on, fix it.
Yes, Mr. Cram.
How do you mean? I'll be in trouble too.
The syndicate. I'd be forced to tell them who blew the whistle on their golden goose.
And then, well, you know.
Oh.
So take the realistic view, huh, dear?
We'll protect you. We'll keep Terry away from you. You've got nothing to worry about.
Nothing to worry about? Now I'm real reassured.
Look, Ray, couldn't I just slip out of town?
No. I saw the boys after the show. They liked you. You stay. That's the word from the boys.
You know, this is kind of a hysterical situation.
Hell you are, Mr. Cram.
Caps. They cost me $3,500. All they do is ache.
I wish I were dead.
And, uh, dear.
Yes, dear?
You're singing good on your solo, but don't sing too good on your duet. Don't take away from the boy.
No, no.
That's it, dear. Bye now.
Dear, when you smiled at me, I heard a melody.
It haunted me from the start.
Something inside of me started a symphony.
Zing went the strings of my heart.
Twas like a breath of spring. I heard a robin sing about a nest set apart.
All nature seemed to be in perfect harmony.
Zing went the strings of my heart.
Your eyes made skies seem blue again. What else could I do again?
But keep repeating through again.
I love you. Love you.
I still recall the thrill. I guess I always will.
I hoped we'll never depart.
Dear, with your lips to mine, a rhapsody divine.
Zing went the strings of my heart.
Never could carry a tune. Never knew where to start.
You came along when everything was wrong.
And put a song in my heart.
Dear, when you smiled at me, I heard a melody.
Something inside of me started a symphony.
Zing went the strings of my heart.
Twas like a breath of spring. I heard a robin sing.
All nature seemed to be in perfect harmony.
Zing went the strings of my heart.
Your eyes made skies seem blue again. What else could I do again?
But keep repeating through again.
I love you. Love you.
I still recall the thrill. I guess I always will.
I hoped we'll never depart.
Dear, with your lips to mine, a rhapsody divine.
Zing went the strings of my heart.
Thank you.
And now the moment you've all been waiting for.
Ladies and gentlemen, Terry Dane.
Oh, baby, hi, folks. Isn't she great?
Isn't he great?
Terry?
Yeah, doll?
What are you thinking about, Terry?
All things.
What kind of things, Terry?
Moon, June, spoon, tune.
Got a tune?
Oh, I got a tune.
Good little tune?
Happy little tune.
I like a happy little tune. Is there a boy in it?
No, just a girl.
What kind of a girl?
A very quiet girl. And she was right.
Right and dead and red as red can be.
Oh, what are you going to sing, Terry?
She was red. It was all red.
Get hold of yourself.
Quietly whispering.
Sing.
Don't they like me?
Sing.
I'll make them like me. Make you like me, Connie.
And now that we've done our little crazy bit, folks,
we're going to carry on in the...
Bursts mine again.
Look out! He's got a knife!
Watch out!
You can't close me out!
Not out of your hearts! Connie, close me out!
Hold him! Hold him!
Rosie, get out there. Sing something.
Oh, I'm dead. I'm ruined.
Here, I've got his arm.
Keep holding him.
There's no business like show.
Business like no business I know.
Yes, sir, but it's all right, folks.
Just one of those little things.
And so, let's go on with the show.
Ah, concern if I can figure what makes a fella like that tick.
I think I'll play the black tonight.
He went just plum loco, didn't he?
Took six men to get him into that there special airplane.
That's swan flying a man to the bug house.
Too many banjos.
That's all, partner. Too many banjos.
I beg your pardon, ma'am, but I don't rightly follow you.
Let it pass, handsome. Let it pass.
Suspense. Presented by Auto Light. Tonight's star, Miss Ethel Merman.
Friends, sign up tomorrow for the big Auto Light family charity drawing.
If you are 18 years or older, you can be one of 25 persons selected
to pick your favorite charity or charities to share in $100,000.
As March of Dimes chairman Basil O'Connor said earlier,
for that once in a lifetime thrill to be able to give thousands of dollars
to the March of Dimes or any other recognized charity,
be sure to register with your local Auto Light family card dealer tomorrow.
Just fill out a registration form and have the dealer sign it.
There's nothing to buy, nothing to write except your name and address.
But you may help your church, hospital or other favorite recognized charity
share in $100,000.
So visit any DeSoto, Hudson, Plymouth, Studebaker, Dodge, Willis, Nash, Packard,
Kaiser or Chrysler dealer tomorrow.
Next week, a true story.
The report of two murders and the heroic man responsible for these necessary atrocities.
It's called Death at Skrankerood Pond.
Our star, Mr. Jeff Chandler.
That's next week on...
Suspense.
Suspense is transcribed and directed by Elliot Lewis.
The music composed by Lucian Morrowick and conducted by Lud Gluskin.
Never Follow a Banjo Act was written for suspense by James Poe.
The duo pianist were Walter Gross and Vic Piemonte.
In tonight's story, Shepherd Menken was heard as Terry with Joseph Kearns as Cram.
Featured in the cast were Jerry Hausner, Ben Wright, Paul Fries and Jess Kirkpatrick.
This is the CBS Radio Network.