Suspense.
Tonight, Mr. Keenan Wynn and Mr. Hume Cronin as stars of Double Entry, a suspense play
produced, edited and directed by William Spear.
Yep, it always balances in the double entry system.
If it don't, you hang around till it does.
It's what I've been doing all my life, keeping books.
It's fascinating, positively fascinating.
You know, I'll bet my day I've written billions of figures, hundreds of billions.
And cash?
Say, I've handled so much cash my fingertips are calloused.
Once I even got water on a thumb from licking it to count money.
But so what?
What's cash?
Handling cash is just the same as adding figures.
A job.
Then, one day, something happens that makes you look on things different.
There's no excitement in an office.
No danger.
No heroism.
No adventure.
Not much chance to risk anything, you know, to do something for a pal.
Behind an adding machine, you can't tell men from ice without a scorecard.
So, if a guy gets in a jam, you know, and he gets a chance to do a favor to help a pal out who is in a jam,
well, maybe you look on cash a little different.
All of a sudden, cash is more than pieces of metal and bits of green paper.
It's socially significant.
That's what it is.
Eddie, hand me the Dixie Cup, will you?
Yeah.
Your ulcer's bothering you again, Sam?
Yeah, bad.
These ledgers are driving me nuts.
You got the wrong temperament for an account.
You know, you shouldn't let it get you down.
Things can't go on like this, Eddie.
Hey, what's the matter?
Alice?
Alice don't understand you.
No, Alice don't understand me.
Well, that's because you don't understand her.
Will you shut up?
Sometimes you're so smug.
Oh, now lay off, Sam. You can't go on like this.
Like what?
Well, you're grouchy all the time.
You know, you've got something on your mind.
Alice don't understand.
Well, try me out.
I won't throw no dishes at you.
Well, no.
No, I can't tell you.
It wouldn't matter anyway. You can't do anything.
Just telling your troubles helps sometime.
Go on and talk, Sam.
Uh-uh.
Talk, Sam.
Okay.
Okay, it's the auditors.
But them guys, I don't let them worry you.
You're running this office, ain't you?
Just tell them, don't let them tell you.
I'm telling you, Eddie, they're getting awful close.
What are you talking about?
They're driving me nuts.
Well, why, Sam?
I'm light, Eddie.
You mean?
The books.
They're light.
They're short.
You mean?
I'm a crook, Eddie.
An embezzler.
And they're gonna get me.
Those auditors, they're onto me.
I know they are. I can feel them getting closer.
Now, after nine years, they're on my trail.
You're a crook, Sam?
I don't believe it.
I wish I was dreaming.
Why, Sam, you're the fair-haired boy around here.
All you gotta do is ask.
Ask who?
Bartholomew?
That tight-haired...
It's Alice.
She's to blame, I know.
She wasn't satisfied with your salary.
She wanted ermine capes, diamonds, a box at the opera.
Oh, I know. She drove you to it.
Nine years.
Hey, how much did you take in all that time?
$100,000.11.
Where am I gonna get that kind of money?
I can dig up the 11 cents.
Ah, wisecracks. That's all you're good for.
Jail staring me in the face.
Yeah, that's why you're so nervous.
That's where my ulcers come from.
Every night, working late, covering up.
Sweating, worrying, thinking of suicide.
Nine years ago.
Well, she made you do it, Sam.
That's right.
I told her I was playing the market and I was.
Yeah, but the stocks dropped.
Out of sight.
So you bought more.
And more.
And then?
Yes, Mr. Betholomew?
Send Craig again.
My master's voice.
Yeah, Betholomew wants to see you.
Well, wag your tail, Fido.
Wag it. Can't even drag it.
Say, didn't I see the auditors go in there a minute ago?
Yeah. Come to think of it, they did, Sam.
Well, this is it, kid.
Oh, maybe it's not, Sam.
I got a feeling.
I'm not scared, Eddie.
It's a relief.
I'll sleep nights now.
Maybe my ulcer will clear up.
A hundred grand.
I wonder what he did with the 11 cents.
Ah, sales tax, I guess.
What a chum.
Your name, Eddie?
Well, yeah, what about it?
What about it? Flint sent me.
I'm Fink Martin.
Flint said to drop in and see if you want to place a bet today.
Flint who?
What do you mean, Flint who? Mike Flint.
Ain't your name, Eddie?
Well, sure, but I never heard of Mike Flint.
How you got the wrong Eddie? My name's Sullivan.
Well, he didn't tell me no last name. How should I know?
He says to look up Eddie in 411 Irving Trust Building.
Oh, this is 511.
Oh, for Pete's sake.
Hey, wait a minute.
You say you take bets on horses?
I'll take a bet on a camel if he's running a tropical.
Are you a bookie?
Well, I ain't no taxidermist pal.
Yeah.
Hey, I may be the right Eddie after all.
Got any odds?
Well, if you're on the level, Eddie...
When you're in the business, do I look like a stool pigeon?
Okay, Eddie, I guess you're okay.
Odds? You want odds, huh?
Now, let's see here.
Now, at Tropical Park, I can give you 10 to 1 in the first race.
Horse called Aleppo.
Finished last in the field of nine. That was his only other start.
Let's see the form.
You see, odds is okay if you don't bet too heavy.
You play odds like a side bet, Eddie.
The thing to play is the jockey, not the horse.
You take Sylvester. Here's the jockey.
Won three yesterday, two on Monday, one on Sunday.
Oh, he's hot, hot, hot.
He can ride any dog into the money.
Does he ride a long shot today?
No, no. Today he's got two favorites and four short odds nags.
He'll win two races today.
Oh, here's a 100 to one shot.
Altruism.
Altruism, huh? I never heard of him.
I got a hunch.
Well, play it, play it. Always play hunches.
Now, let's see who this altruism is.
Hmm. Mm-hmm.
Never raced before.
Well, and how do you know he's no good?
Well, I don't, but look who he's running against.
War alarm, unbeaten in three starts.
Test tube, last year's gold cup runner-up.
File clerk. Hey, hey, there's a hunch for you, Eddie. File clerk.
I ain't no file clerk, and I'm playing altruism.
Okay, okay, Eddie. Just give me a two bucks.
Is, uh, is that all I can bet?
Well, no, but gee, I don't want to play you for a sucker.
How about a grand?
Oh, why don't you tie that bull to a fence?
Will you take a grand on altruism?
Where would you get a grand?
Oh, from the old man.
On the level, Eddie? Oh, sure.
Well, I have to get flints, okay.
You want me to lose you to use your phone? Yeah.
Gee, a grand. Oh-ho.
That's not stage money, Eddie.
Well, neither is a hundred grand.
Could you pay off?
Oh, Flint will cover any bet that I want to make.
Hello? Hello, give me Flint.
This is Flint. Smart cookie.
Maybe he don't want to let...
Hello, Mike? This is Fink.
Yeah. Look, a man's got a thousand bucks he wants to put on an egg called altruism,
and a third a tropical.
The odds are 100 to one. How about it?
Uh-huh.
Yeah, but if he wins, Mike...
Uh-huh.
But sure I'm a gambler, but 100 grand...
Hmm.
Hung up.
Funny guy, this Flint. Am I a gambler, he says.
Okay, Eddie, we'll play one grand on altruism's nose for you.
You will?
What's the matter? Getting cold feet?
Well, no, Martin. I just meant...
Listen, that's a lot of dough to hand over to someone you've never seen before.
Well, I never saw you before either, mister.
Yeah, but what chance are you taking?
Now quit stalling. Are you betting or not?
Oh, okay.
Wait till I get the money.
Here it is.
Ah, you got it?
100, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, and ten makes one thousand.
Thanks, Eddie.
It's no matter what you're shaking for.
Is this your life savings or something?
Oh, no, no.
There's lots more where this come from.
Of course, of course.
The old man has a lot of it behind his ear.
Yeah, that's it, Frank.
Hey, you're a card.
Hey, what are you rubbing them bills on that sheet of white paper for?
Well, if the green don't come off, the bill is no good.
No good?
Counterfeit. Hey, look at this. A phony.
You better tell your old man to give you another one.
Is this counterfeit?
Certainly. Look at General Grant.
His nose shouldn't happen to Jimmy Durante.
Yeah, well, wait a minute, Frank.
Oh, what a setup.
Just like that.
Give me a grand, Pop. I got a hunch my ship is coming in at Miami this afternoon.
What a setup.
Hey, I think.
Thanks, Eddie. That's more like it.
You tell your old man to pass that phony C-note in church.
Well, here's my card and here's your ticket.
Now you hang on to that. Might be worth a hundred grand.
Okay, Martin.
Hey, hey, hey.
Are you all right? You look kind of green.
Oh, you've just been looking at too much dough, Martin.
Well, maybe.
Okay, you drop around this afternoon all about three.
Your dog is running in.
And just call me think.
Well, sir, I'm going to go.
I'll see you later.
I'll see you later.
I'll see you later.
Just call me think.
So long, think.
So long, Eddie.
Hello?
Sullivan, this is Mr. Bartholomew.
Yes, sir. Speak up!
Yes, sir! That's better, Sullivan.
Sullivan, I want you to send a nice new hundred dollar bill to St. Paul's Church in Skarsdale.
A Christmas gift. Put it in a plain envelope and write Joyox Noel on it.
Wrap it in a piece of paper so no one will know what it is at the post office.
I want to send a nice little anonymous gift as a surprise.
Nice crisp hundred dollar bill.
Oh, I know just the one, Mr. Bartholomew.
What's that? Yes, sir!
Hey, Eddie. Eddie, it's okay.
I got by. What?
I'm clear. The auditors missed it.
Hey, what's the matter?
Aren't you glad? You mean you ain't going to jail?
Not this year.
Are you sure, Sam? Positive.
The auditors are through. Not a chance of getting caught.
Not a chance, Sam? Not a chance, Eddie.
Well, there could be a slip-up.
No, there couldn't.
What's the matter with you? Say, aren't you glad?
Oh, sure, sure. Look, I'm doing handsprings.
Boy, oh boy.
Of course, it doesn't solve things completely.
Yeah, you said it. I'm still short.
But that's okay. Oh, sure.
I'll think of something. I got a whole year.
Oh, I'm very glad.
Don't get it, though.
Bartholomew, you're buttering me up.
He says we know everything's in good shape, Sam.
No use putting those auditors to any more trouble.
Just have him check the cash, and that'll wind it up.
The cash?
Sam, will you hand me that Dixie cup by the typewriter?
Sure. You dry?
Very.
Say, say what's on your mind?
Just two or three years.
That's all.
Now I suppose you're going to tell me that you've been swiping postage stamps.
Oh, no, no. Nothing as bad as that.
Look, I'm your pal, Sam.
Sure.
I'd do anything for you.
I know, Eddie. Then talk sense.
Well, I hated to think of you and Sing Sing for six months, Sam, so...
I'm going there myself for a few years.
What are you saying?
I swiped a thousand bucks and bet it on a hundred to one shot at Tropical Park, Sam.
You swiped? Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Eddie, you're kidding me.
I did it for you, Sam.
A guy don't get a chance to prove his friendship very often.
Friendship?
You talk to me of friendship at a time like this?
Oh, we might as well be in Sing Sing right now.
Yeah, and me the longest.
I hope so, of all the dumb tricks.
Didn't make any entries, I suppose.
Nope. I just took it.
How'd you come to bed on a horse?
What bookies do you know?
Here's his carty. He just happened in by accident.
A ten-ton truck should just happen in by accident and run over you.
Well, maybe he'd give it back, Sam.
Oh, sure. Sure, bookies are that way.
Philanthropists, all of them.
There's probably no such address as this.
Don't be hard on me, will you, Sam?
After all, I risked my own neck to save yours.
No greater love.
Maybe this horse will win.
Well... Oh, shut up.
Take an entry in the books.
Then we'll pay Mr. Fink Martin a call.
Friendship.
Yeah, yeah, friendship.
Well, we're in this together, pal.
THE WINDOW
On the subway up to the bookies' place, I didn't say a word.
I just stared at the ads and I kept thinking of how I'd messed things up
and wondered what Sam was thinking.
The window we sat near had bars on it
and I felt like I was already in jail.
Well, we got there.
It was a great big lodge room.
Well, well, if it ain't the millionaire bookkeeper.
Hi, Eddie. Hiya there, Fink.
Welcome to our humble joint.
Of course, it ain't like hi, Elia, but...
But it's as close as we can get to it in New York.
Yeah, I know.
Oh, this is Sam Crockett, Fink, and my boss.
Oh, glad to meet you, Mr. Crockett.
Smart man you got working for you.
He's gonna make himself a pile of dough this afternoon, ain't you, Eddie?
Martin, this is all a mistake.
Eddie had no business betting $1,000 on a horse.
The fact is, he wasn't his money.
Oh, I know that. It was his old man's.
He stole it from the company.
Now, Eddie, would you do a thing like that?
Uh-huh.
Well, I am surprised. I thought your old man ran the place.
He was trying to help someone, so...
So he helped himself to a thousand bucks, huh?
Martin, give us a break and return the money.
We'll both go to jail if we don't put it back.
Atropical clock in the sixth. Scratch dough boy, number 624.
Gee, I'm sorry, fellas, but I can't do nothing about it.
I've turned in the dough already. I just work here. I can't get it back.
You gotta help us, Martin.
Well, I'd like to, Crockett, but gee, how can I?
Look, this is a business.
Suppose when I ask the boss, he says it's a contract.
He can't back out, neither can you.
Where would we be if we asked you to take your money back?
Yeah, but don't you see, we'll go to sing-sing-fink.
One minute to post time for the third atropical place.
You bet's not boring.
Look, look, look, maybe those bills will counterfeit, huh?
You know, you can tell the cashier the dough's no good, huh?
Well, how can I, Eddie? He can spot a phony from 50 yards.
The auditors are checking our books now, Martin.
Well, all I can say is I'm sorry and, well, I hope this nag wins for you, but...
We're at the station with third atropical park.
I can't do a thing about it.
I'm sunk, Eddie.
You sounded like you meant it, huh?
Well, so what? Let's go.
Well, ain't you interested in hearing the race over the loudspeaker?
No.
Well, I am. It's me that started this whole thing, and I'm gonna get my money's worth.
Atropical and the third are correction. Sylvester is riding altruism.
Hey, hey, did you hear that, Sam?
You mean we got a jockey?
Oh, now don't be funny. This guy Sylvester's hot. He's winning two or three races a day.
Atropical and the third are away at 317.
Hey, they're off!
I got ears.
At the quarter, it's a wall along by ahead.
Dive Bomber is second, Calumet Palace third by a half a length.
Dunin is fourth, Westwood Ho is fifth,
Fyle Clerk is sixth, and Valiant Net seventh.
The Mashingniblick is eighth, Dimitsole is ninth,
Golden West is tenth, and Test Tube Auction Block early riser, and altruism.
No wonder you got a hundred to one. There's a hundred horses.
Yeah, that's not a race. It's a caravan.
Last place. Now, are you satisfied?
Okay, Sam, let's go.
Man o' war couldn't win in a crowd like that unless he cut across the infield.
Oh, you sure pick him.
Well, come on. What are you waiting for?
I'm not waiting. Hey, quit pushing me.
Am I pushing you?
At the half, it's Valiant Net by a length. Wall along is second by two.
Test Tube is third by a nose. Dive Bomber is fourth, and Dunin is fifth.
The Calumet Pal, Westwood Ho, Fyle Clerk, Dimitsole, Golden West, early riser, Mashingniblick, and altruism.
Auction Block has dropped out.
That nag has taken the pause that refreshes.
Well, he's come up.
If enough drop out, he can win.
Yeah, the race had had the last two days, huh?
Why didn't they run it in heats?
Well, might as well hang around till the end, huh, Sam?
Oh, well, I guess so.
It's Valiant Net still leading by a length. Test Tube is second by a nose. Wall along is third, and coming up on the outside is altruism.
Hey, did he say altruism?
He said it. Get the results.
Hey, Porky, how about the finish?
Coming over the wire now.
Oh, Sylvester, Sylvester, ride, boy, ride.
Don't wring your hands. It's too late to pray. The race is over.
Yeah, well, who won?
How do I know who won? The wire's always a minute behind.
We've got a chance.
Too close for comfort. Oh, why did Flint let me take that bet?
The winner of the third at Tropical Park is altruism.
Oh, how do you like that?
He won.
Am I a champ now?
Oh, you're a champ, Eddie, a champ.
Oh, it was nothing, Sam. Only a sap could do it.
Oh, thanks.
Holy smoke, this doesn't.
Oh, Fink, I almost forgot. You've got a fork over.
Oh, that just about busts this joint. Hey, how about calling it off?
Remember what you said about contracts?
Yeah, but gee, if I'd have known they were switching Sylvester onto that dog.
When do we get paid off?
Right now, Crockett. Come on, come on over to Cashier.
Cash? Do we have to take cash?
Oh, absolutely. We ain't got no bank account.
First thing you know, we'd have to pay income tax.
Well, you can deduct this loss.
Yeah. All right, give me your ticket.
Here.
Here's a cashier at this window. 100 grand, Speed.
Hey, the cashier don't bat an eye. I'm gonna...
Hey, the cops! Cops, see you later!
The cops jugged everyone in the place.
Fink and the other gamblers got away with the 100 grand.
And we had to wait until morning for a trial.
Every silver lining has a rip in it.
I don't see how they got away.
I'm sore.
We sit here in the can and they're off with all that dough.
Well, we were framed. This whole thing was planned.
You're crazy. How did Martin know altruism would win?
Can't turn on a police raid like a shower bath.
Well, how are we ever gonna find those guys?
We won't. And if we do, it won't do us any good,
because you haven't got the ticket anymore.
Even if you have, you couldn't force them to pay.
Gambling isn't legal, you know.
Oh, that's nice, dreary music.
Might as well get used to it.
We'll be living in quarters like this for quite some time.
Hey, here comes the keeper.
You got a visitor, boys?
An auditor.
Name a Martin. Fink Martin.
Hiya, boys.
Well, you coming to pay us off?
Well, not exactly. No.
You see, Mike, the boss, he don't want to pay.
You wouldn't chisel, Fink. Oh, no.
On the level. I thought this guy Flint was square.
Now he's welshin' on all his debts and he's blowin' town.
He's got a grand of mind.
Oh, that's a great story, Martin.
Well, I don't have to tell stories, do I?
I could've stayed away from here, Crockett.
It's nice to see you again, Fink.
Still taking bets?
All right.
Well, let's shut you up, Eddie.
Hey, a thousand bucks?
Yeah, a thousand bucks. It's all I got.
It's my own dough.
Well, that's the best I can do, Eddie.
Hey, guard, let me outta here.
Gee, I don't know what to say, Fink.
Say no to the next bookie you meet, Eddie.
Eggs is poison.
Well, it was fun for a while, Fink.
I wouldn't take your dough, but...
Say no more.
Put it back where it came from, Sam.
And try to forget you ever seen me.
So, there I was, back where I started at scratch.
All I had to do was put the dough back in the cash drawer.
The next morning, after paying a $10 fine,
we took the subway downtown.
Sam read the paper, and I just stared at the ads as usual.
Quite a story about altruism.
Picture a Sylvester here, just a kid.
19, weighs 105.
Hey, look at that ad.
It says, spell it backwards.
If they want you to read it that way,
why don't they turn it around?
Hey, Eddie. Eddie, look.
Well, what is it, Sam?
This picture. It's Bartholomew.
They've arrested him. Well, what for?
Embezzlement.
But that's you, Sam.
Listen to this.
Mr. Bartholomew confessed to having embezzled company funds
to the tune of a quarter of a million dollars,
when auditors discovered a shortage in cash of $1,000.
So that's why he was hurrying those guys around.
Well, let me see. What a business.
Everyone in it is a crook.
Hey, Sam, where you going?
Back to the police station. I'm giving myself up.
Giving yourself up? You're nuts!
Oh, Eddie, I'd never sleep again if I escaped scot-free.
Besides, I'd like to get away from Alice for about six months.
Yeah, but Sam!
So, Sam went to the police and gave himself up.
But guess what?
They didn't want him. They already had their man.
He wrote out a confession.
He offered to show it in the books, but they just laughed at him.
Called him a publicity seeker.
He pleaded with him, but it was no use.
Even Bartholomew called him a fool.
Imagine, Sam fought for the right to go to prison,
and they laughed at him.
Well, that's what happens when a bookkeeper tries to get out of the rut.
There's no escape.
Yeah.
Sam would have preferred a few quiet months in Sing Sing, breaking rocks.
Could have got rid of his ulcers.
He would have got away from Alice.
But no.
Hey, Eddie. Hand me that Dixie cup, will you?
Oh, your ulcers bothering you again, Sam?
Yeah, something awful.
These ledgers are driving me nuts.
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